I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
