Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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