brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
