East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
