So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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