I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
