started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
