Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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