That's intense
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
