I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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