No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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