we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
