im holly from the hills drunk
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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