Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
