a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
