Sry I called you an 8
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
