I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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