My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize
