Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
