I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
