Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I am midnight drunk by noon
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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