Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
