It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
