even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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