Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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