please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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