I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
