# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
