Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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