I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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