Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
