I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
