so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
