Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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