I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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