Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
