My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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