My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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