It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
