Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's shark week go big or go home
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
