Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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