How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
