Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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