Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I forget how to act sober
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