four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
