I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
