I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I need a beard to bite.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
