I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
