No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
