Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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