dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
