I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
