hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
