i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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