If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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