The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
