Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
