i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
