forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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