In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I AM VODKA MAN
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
