He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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