Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
