I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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