Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize