did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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