haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
