my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
