The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
