Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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