only you would photoshop your dick
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
