i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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