i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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